Friday, June 1, 2007
Letting it go...
Starting a new job, moving to a new place... Still alone. I must use this time to grow and change or I'll be alone forever. But how do I change and learn to trust if there is no one here to do it with...? Is it that I don't trust myself and I must change that first? I know that I don't trust myself because I always seem to put myself in situations where I'm voulnerable... When I was a child the hurt he caused me was not my control, I know that. But I can't get past my hatred for him and that's my fault. I just don't know how; and even as I wrote that burning anger welled up inside me... 'I won't forgive him, he doesn't deserve it. He deserves my hatred.' Will that hurt and pain ever go away...? Will it ever not permeate every relationship I have...?
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Dear Friend through Horses... If you ever get a chance to work with a therapist who is skilled in EMDR, please give it a try. It is something that can help with the reactions you describe. I'm sorry you have been so injured. The past really can disrupt our current relationships. But there are ways -- like EMDR -- that help us move along into a life that we want and can make, despite the past.
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